So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
