OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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