So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
