The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
