Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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