shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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