She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
