Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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