Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
