I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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