so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
