Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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