The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize