i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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