Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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