I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
