i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
