It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
