I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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