I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
