I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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