if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
