oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
