he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
