i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
