She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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