oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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