I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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