plz talk dirty to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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