I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
