Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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