i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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