My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You took a bar mat shot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
