He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
