It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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