there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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