I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
