I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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