Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
