I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
