he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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