I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
