my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are leaves in my underwear?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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