He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
