theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
