ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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