im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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