Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
