Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
