Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
