But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
