it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
