East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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