maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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