mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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