If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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