I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
