she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
