Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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