Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
