just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
