my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
