you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize