sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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