The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
