Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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