Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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