Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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