I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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