he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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