Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
soo... how was my night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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